


Samus Vs The Hot Topic Crew

by DoctorSoup



Category: Hot Topic - Fandom, Metroid Series, Real Person Fiction, Super Smash Brothers, The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors, 新・光神話 パルテナの鏡 | Kid Icarus: Uprising (Video Game)
Genre: Cool Belts, Drunk Fic, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Xtreemly Edgy, im a horrible example
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3938452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorSoup/pseuds/DoctorSoup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samus teams up with the enigmatic Masahiro Sakurai to eliminate the edgy characters. She's come a long way, but at the end of her journey, Samus discoveres an ancient and horrible secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Samus Vs The Hot Topic Crew

**Author's Note:**

> So uh... I wrote this while hammered. Alcohol is bad, kids.

Samus had spent her engtier career training for this mission. Zebes, kraid, riderly, SR388, all of them were mere preoaration for this one mission. Sakurai’s directions had been clear: elimitae all the edgy characters. Eliminate them at any cost. Now, Samus stood with her cannon aimed at Dakr Pit’s edgy, edgy smiling grinning head. “Any last words?” sha asked him. EDark pPit grinned down the barrel of her space gun. “Im jsut glad I died wearing a cool belt from Hot Topic© stores.” With a grim grimace, samus blew his edgy-ass face off causse thta shit-tier pit clone deserved iot. Next on the list was Cia, her lord edginess (os that how you spell that?).

It was a p short trek through the world of Hyrule Warriors cos like… Samus has space shit and qhwatnot. Those losers onyln have sweords. LOL.  
Samus, the cerified badass of nintendo, confrpnted Cia and employed her usual method of “shoot it unrtiln it dies” (she figured ifit worked with rifldye it would work with this dedgt bitch. :Die, you tittywithc!!!” shouted samyus angroy but she had her helmat on so she likecouldny hear and also i assume rhe listens to sone hardocre tunage whule rin battle. the ttiywitch was unfazed and using her super edgy majjyik powers to deflect sammy’s aweosme power beam shot things like libk did against ganongsorf in OoT. it was like an epic battel that took plasce in the Valely of Seers ot wgatever and it last4efdc a long time

Samus panted heavily. Both sheb fand the tittywitch were exhausted. who the vuck i chogo. They had been fighting for….. ……… decades. not really sc uase sammy woukld win <3\. anywash lik ehtyer were both tired . Samus gave one final HADROCORE AS FUCK blow to Cia and tehey both were almosrt evenly matched but samus used her anger-baserd superpweokrs to blast her fiucking faece off. Nex tupwas………. smaus gasped at the name on the list………………………………………………………………………. MASAHIRO SAKURAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in th4e baskc of her midn, she knew sakurai was a hot topic© type. the black hair, the affinity for dark pitm it all addded up. She confrontedj hoim in his massive nintendo death chamber/throne room.  
“But why, Masahiro???” she said, this time with her helmalet playing her voidce outside so he coul dhgear it., “Why would you have me kill your krew???”  
“For the POWEr, miss aran.”n sakurai replied coldly, “I wanted to sieze my own place as a ninteno IP. First, I’ll gain a grounding.” he cracked his knucles very EVILLY, “then the fanbase will demand more games. I’ll be at your level. Finally, I’ll take over even mario as nintendos’s mascot! Reggie willbe telling the america ns about super SAKURAI bros!!!! Is it not a thing of beauty??? Is it not-” samus then basted him in the face while he was monologueing and took his wallet as payment. she then went home to like meditate and stuff. Such is life in mother russia.


End file.
